just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
