There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
