so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
