Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
