Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
pray to the hookup gods
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
