White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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