wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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