For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
