Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
