The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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