my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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