this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
