doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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