it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
