We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
