I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
