Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
