Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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