is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
