he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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