K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
