this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
