....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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