Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
