I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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