Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
