A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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