gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
