I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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