So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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