Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
