So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
