Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
