The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
