We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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