I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
