My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
