I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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