so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
