"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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