omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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