But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I'm really busy with my period
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