thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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