K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
