maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
