my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
