I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
