I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
