we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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