you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i believe in u and ur pee
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
