That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
worst night to have a conscience
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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