While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
