so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
