dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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